Making mistakes are an integral part of life. People usually try to do their best but on occasion something can go wrong. For example, a dry cleaning company in Washington DC, somehow lost a pair of pants that had been dropped off for cleaning. An unfortunate error, but not a reason to believe that the end of the world was near!
A local state-appointed judge dropped his favorite pair of pants at the dry cleaners for cleaning and was furious when they were reported missing. I am sure that the dry cleaner made some offer of compensation, as I am sure he carried some kind of business insurance for such occasions. The judge would not hear of it and decided to sue the dry cleaner as the judge maintained, that the “satisfaction guaranteed” slogan of the company could not replace his favorite slacks.
The judge, whose entire vocation was to try to resolve disputes reasonably and equitably, was going to teach the businessman a lesson. If I had been a judge, I would have found a claim of $500 to $1000 a more than fair restitution for one pair of trousers. The state judge, however felt that a $34 million lawsuit would be far more reasonable.
Without a doubt the judge had Brontosaurus balls! A multi -million dollar lawsuit was filed over one lost pair of pants! To consider this kind of greed as absurd is a mega-understatement. Perhaps, I have been anatomically misdirected in my description of the judge’s endowments. Rather than monster cajones, he may have been bequeathed a Brontosaurus brain – the size of a walnut!
Apparently, the fates intervened and the story ended fairly happily. Unfortunately the dry cleaner went out of business but I am sure was resilient enough to get back on his feet. After two years of appeals and more appeals, three different courts dismissed the lawsuit. The really good news, however, is that the poor trouser-less judge was not offered another contract as a state judge and became unemployed.
Occasionally justice prevails, and the greedy and insensitive are beaten by the very system that they were supposed to uphold. How sweet it is!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Life Sometimes Gets Things Backwards!
Sometimes our lives seem to be backwards in many ways. A current movie, “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”, seems to support that contention. I have not seen the movie but have read that it is a story about a man who is born “old” and then, as time passes, he gets younger and younger! He ages backwards.
I have always maintained that there is another aspect of life that is basically backwards. When we are young and in our twenties we usually have a lot of time and not too much money. We are generally healthy, possess more energy, a wealth of interests and are continually seeking excitement and action. Our pursuit of the many earthly pleasures such as travel, good food, hot cars and extravagant toys and gadgets are often far beyond the limits of our income.
As our life unfolds and we graduate into our fifties and sixties, we find ourselves in just the opposite situation – we have more money than we can often spend, but we do not seem to have the time, nor inclination, to do so. Our physical selves have become worn like an older car – our tires have less tread, our engine is getting clogged with sludge and our body is suffering from the dents and scrapes of numerous encounters with life. We aren’t as interested or capable of nonstop travel, rich food and drink and a hectic and demanding life style. We are more content with an afternoon nap, Kraft dinner for lunch and an exciting evening reading a new bestseller.
Perhaps there is a way of realigning our financial resources with our needs. A man’s earnings over a lifetime can be projected. I am sure that actuaries can determine the total salary, including performance bonuses and cost of living changes, for any profession over a 35 to 40 year period. For example, a starting teacher will make $35,000 in year one and a $135,000 a year, forty years into the future. Salary gradually increases with time. A teacher should be able to make about $3- 4 million over a forty year career.
I propose that the lifetime salary of any profession be redistributed, with more salary paid during the first twenty years and progressively less over the last twenty years. Our highest salaries should occur during the period of our life when we are more ready, willing, and in need of greater resources. As we get older, our needs and generally our wants decline substantially. We basically need less money in our senior years.
Why not align these two factors more appropriately? Life got it backwards originally and it’s now time to correct that little error.
I have always maintained that there is another aspect of life that is basically backwards. When we are young and in our twenties we usually have a lot of time and not too much money. We are generally healthy, possess more energy, a wealth of interests and are continually seeking excitement and action. Our pursuit of the many earthly pleasures such as travel, good food, hot cars and extravagant toys and gadgets are often far beyond the limits of our income.
As our life unfolds and we graduate into our fifties and sixties, we find ourselves in just the opposite situation – we have more money than we can often spend, but we do not seem to have the time, nor inclination, to do so. Our physical selves have become worn like an older car – our tires have less tread, our engine is getting clogged with sludge and our body is suffering from the dents and scrapes of numerous encounters with life. We aren’t as interested or capable of nonstop travel, rich food and drink and a hectic and demanding life style. We are more content with an afternoon nap, Kraft dinner for lunch and an exciting evening reading a new bestseller.
Perhaps there is a way of realigning our financial resources with our needs. A man’s earnings over a lifetime can be projected. I am sure that actuaries can determine the total salary, including performance bonuses and cost of living changes, for any profession over a 35 to 40 year period. For example, a starting teacher will make $35,000 in year one and a $135,000 a year, forty years into the future. Salary gradually increases with time. A teacher should be able to make about $3- 4 million over a forty year career.
I propose that the lifetime salary of any profession be redistributed, with more salary paid during the first twenty years and progressively less over the last twenty years. Our highest salaries should occur during the period of our life when we are more ready, willing, and in need of greater resources. As we get older, our needs and generally our wants decline substantially. We basically need less money in our senior years.
Why not align these two factors more appropriately? Life got it backwards originally and it’s now time to correct that little error.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
George W Bush, Super Sports Agent
Retirement poses a problem for many. People invariably are often uncertain as to what they are going to do with their lives when they quit working. President George W Bush is no exception. What can an ex-president do after retirement? Recently, however, President Bush’s problem was solved.
Bush’s last visit to Iraq provided an experience, which opened his eyes in more ways than one. His news conference in Baghdad was interrupted by an Iraqi journalist who shouted in Arabic — “This is a gift from the Iraqis; this is the farewell kiss, you dog” — and threw one of his shoes at the president, who ducked and narrowly avoided being struck. As chaos ensued, the perpetrator threw his other shoe, shouting, “This is from the widows, the orphans and those who were killed in Iraq.” The second shoe also narrowly missed Mr. Bush as Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki stuck out a hand in front of the president’s face to help shield him. Both thrown shoes zoomed harmlessly past President Bush.
Immediately after the attack, Bush signed the shoe-hurling journalist to a personal services contract. President Bush, who previously owned the Texas Rangers Baseball Club, excitedly exclaimed that the man had an incredible arm. “The first pitch was like a rising fast ball with a lot of movement and the second showed knuckleball action,” Bush stated after the attack. “This guy demonstrated phenomenal potential as a major league relief pitcher. He needs to work on his control, but his poise and his smooth overhand delivery reminded me of Hall of Famer, Nolan Ryan.”
President Bush recognized his post-presidential career as a sports agent immediately after the second shoe whizzed near his right ear. “It came to me in a flash, that representing athletes would utilize the negotiating skills that I developed as president. If Sabathia is worth $161 million to the Yankees, I can hardly wait to determine the value of my new phenom in the next couple of months. I am sure I will be as successful a sports agent as I have been a well respected and effective president.”
President Bush reluctantly rejected Iraqi Prime Minister al-Maliki’s request to represent him as well. Bush indicated that he was not impressed with al-Maliki as he waved his hand futilely at the flying shoes. “He doesn’t have very soft hands and his reactions are not up to major league standards,” responded an ecstatic Bush as he initiated his new retirement profession!
Within minutes of Bush’s declaration that he was transitioning into the sports agency business, both Nike and Adidas inquired about a possible sponsorship agreement with Bush’s first client. Who would have guessed – George W Bush, super sports agent?
Bush’s last visit to Iraq provided an experience, which opened his eyes in more ways than one. His news conference in Baghdad was interrupted by an Iraqi journalist who shouted in Arabic — “This is a gift from the Iraqis; this is the farewell kiss, you dog” — and threw one of his shoes at the president, who ducked and narrowly avoided being struck. As chaos ensued, the perpetrator threw his other shoe, shouting, “This is from the widows, the orphans and those who were killed in Iraq.” The second shoe also narrowly missed Mr. Bush as Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki stuck out a hand in front of the president’s face to help shield him. Both thrown shoes zoomed harmlessly past President Bush.
Immediately after the attack, Bush signed the shoe-hurling journalist to a personal services contract. President Bush, who previously owned the Texas Rangers Baseball Club, excitedly exclaimed that the man had an incredible arm. “The first pitch was like a rising fast ball with a lot of movement and the second showed knuckleball action,” Bush stated after the attack. “This guy demonstrated phenomenal potential as a major league relief pitcher. He needs to work on his control, but his poise and his smooth overhand delivery reminded me of Hall of Famer, Nolan Ryan.”
President Bush recognized his post-presidential career as a sports agent immediately after the second shoe whizzed near his right ear. “It came to me in a flash, that representing athletes would utilize the negotiating skills that I developed as president. If Sabathia is worth $161 million to the Yankees, I can hardly wait to determine the value of my new phenom in the next couple of months. I am sure I will be as successful a sports agent as I have been a well respected and effective president.”
President Bush reluctantly rejected Iraqi Prime Minister al-Maliki’s request to represent him as well. Bush indicated that he was not impressed with al-Maliki as he waved his hand futilely at the flying shoes. “He doesn’t have very soft hands and his reactions are not up to major league standards,” responded an ecstatic Bush as he initiated his new retirement profession!
Within minutes of Bush’s declaration that he was transitioning into the sports agency business, both Nike and Adidas inquired about a possible sponsorship agreement with Bush’s first client. Who would have guessed – George W Bush, super sports agent?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Which Are Your Favorite Days of the Year?
Dave Letterman has always highlighted his Top Ten Lists on his show. I like the idea and am going to inaugurate Ken’s Top Seven List, because at my age, I am only operating at 70% of my full mental capacity.
My first Top Seven List is “My Favorite Days of the Year.”
Groundhogs Day has always been one of my favorites. It pays special tribute to an unsung mammal which performs no action worthy of recognition and yet receives global recognition for just seeing or not seeing its own shadow. That kind of a scam deserves special acknowledgement.
Christmas Day. Although I have soured somewhat on the commercialization of the Christmas season, I still have a special place in my heart for my childhood Christmas memories. I also love the joy of sharing Christmas in a home with small children, who make Christmas so magical and exciting.
May 21. Most of the Western World, as well as the countries of Turkey and Poland, knows that May 21 is my wife’s birthday. It is celebrated in more countries than Washington’s Birthday and thus deserves a special place of honor on my list. (Besides, if I didn’t include it, she would kill me.)
The First Day of School. As a former teacher, the first day of school (17 as a student and 34 as a teacher) has always had a special place in my life. Every new school year was filled with excitement and positive anticipation. Each year was a new beginning, with new friends, new challenges and new life shaping experiences.
July 1. The first of July was always my official start to the summer holidays no matter what the last day of school was. Summer holidays meant sleeping in, no work, visiting family in other cities, traveling, and basically abandoning the clock and the calendar for two months. You were free to do what you wanted, when you wanted, if you wanted.
The First Day of the Baseball Season. I love baseball. My daily life is enriched and excited from the first day of the season to the last day of the World Series. I look so forward to following my Indians, watching games on TV, reading the box scores and now following every game in detail through the Internet. The four months between seasons are an eternity.
December 21. The first day of winter is my favorite day of the year, not because I love cold, snow and darkness, but because it is the day the sun makes a U-Turn at the Tropic of Capricorn and starts to head north towards North America. Starting tomorrow the days will get longer and longer by a couple of minutes a day and summer will get closer and closer. No day actually makes me happier.
So there you have it, Ken’s Top Seven Favorite Days of the Year! Now it’s your turn!
My first Top Seven List is “My Favorite Days of the Year.”
Groundhogs Day has always been one of my favorites. It pays special tribute to an unsung mammal which performs no action worthy of recognition and yet receives global recognition for just seeing or not seeing its own shadow. That kind of a scam deserves special acknowledgement.
Christmas Day. Although I have soured somewhat on the commercialization of the Christmas season, I still have a special place in my heart for my childhood Christmas memories. I also love the joy of sharing Christmas in a home with small children, who make Christmas so magical and exciting.
May 21. Most of the Western World, as well as the countries of Turkey and Poland, knows that May 21 is my wife’s birthday. It is celebrated in more countries than Washington’s Birthday and thus deserves a special place of honor on my list. (Besides, if I didn’t include it, she would kill me.)
The First Day of School. As a former teacher, the first day of school (17 as a student and 34 as a teacher) has always had a special place in my life. Every new school year was filled with excitement and positive anticipation. Each year was a new beginning, with new friends, new challenges and new life shaping experiences.
July 1. The first of July was always my official start to the summer holidays no matter what the last day of school was. Summer holidays meant sleeping in, no work, visiting family in other cities, traveling, and basically abandoning the clock and the calendar for two months. You were free to do what you wanted, when you wanted, if you wanted.
The First Day of the Baseball Season. I love baseball. My daily life is enriched and excited from the first day of the season to the last day of the World Series. I look so forward to following my Indians, watching games on TV, reading the box scores and now following every game in detail through the Internet. The four months between seasons are an eternity.
December 21. The first day of winter is my favorite day of the year, not because I love cold, snow and darkness, but because it is the day the sun makes a U-Turn at the Tropic of Capricorn and starts to head north towards North America. Starting tomorrow the days will get longer and longer by a couple of minutes a day and summer will get closer and closer. No day actually makes me happier.
So there you have it, Ken’s Top Seven Favorite Days of the Year! Now it’s your turn!
Monday, February 16, 2009
A Headline Event in 2011
During the next couple of years we can expect some very big celebrations and major news events. The Winter Olympics are scheduled for next year and a potential Royal Wedding is probably in the works. But nothing will eclipse the news that was just released today!
A glittering opera about Anna Nicole Smith, including her final days in the Bahamas, is to be performed at the Royal Opera House in London in 2011. I have been absolutely giddy since the news was announced. The opera is being written by Richard Thomas, the man who gave the world “Jerry Springer – The Opera”, a controversial depiction of modern American life, which offended many Christian groups. How could we possibly ask for more?
The press release indicated that the story would include all of the major events in Ms Smith’s life. It will cover her teenage years, her marriage to the billionaire oilman 63 years her senior, her son Daniel’s tragic death and her own accidental overdose in 2007.
The opera’s director stressed that the opera will not be “tawdry” but will be “witty, clever, thoughtful and sad.” She added that the opera would be a parable about celebrity, tell “universal truths” about human frailty and be intellectually searching! I know that sounds like a challenge but I am sure they can pull it off.
The wait until opening night will be long and painful. Some people, I am sure, will scoff and ridicule the idea but they are certainly in the minority. The inhabitants of the Chicken Ranch outside Las Vegas, Hefner’s Playboy Mansion and the dozens of "actresses" in Amsterdam’s Street of Madams are all holding their breath awaiting the first casting call.
I know the opera announcement made my day. I am positively atwitter with excitement!
A glittering opera about Anna Nicole Smith, including her final days in the Bahamas, is to be performed at the Royal Opera House in London in 2011. I have been absolutely giddy since the news was announced. The opera is being written by Richard Thomas, the man who gave the world “Jerry Springer – The Opera”, a controversial depiction of modern American life, which offended many Christian groups. How could we possibly ask for more?
The press release indicated that the story would include all of the major events in Ms Smith’s life. It will cover her teenage years, her marriage to the billionaire oilman 63 years her senior, her son Daniel’s tragic death and her own accidental overdose in 2007.
The opera’s director stressed that the opera will not be “tawdry” but will be “witty, clever, thoughtful and sad.” She added that the opera would be a parable about celebrity, tell “universal truths” about human frailty and be intellectually searching! I know that sounds like a challenge but I am sure they can pull it off.
The wait until opening night will be long and painful. Some people, I am sure, will scoff and ridicule the idea but they are certainly in the minority. The inhabitants of the Chicken Ranch outside Las Vegas, Hefner’s Playboy Mansion and the dozens of "actresses" in Amsterdam’s Street of Madams are all holding their breath awaiting the first casting call.
I know the opera announcement made my day. I am positively atwitter with excitement!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
I’m Suffering From Information Supersaturation!
Today’s communication technology has inundated us with more information than we can possibly need or want. All day news TV channels, Internet websites and chat rooms, and hundreds of specialized papers, magazines and journals provide us with more information in a day than we could ingest in a lifetime.
I feel so buried under the constant barrage of detailed information that I am prepared to enter a monastery just to escape. I can’t handle it anymore. I am more than full of information; I am supersaturated! There is no room for even one more tabloid headline or one special news report or one more eBay bargain.
A television weather report can be overwhelming. A satellite photo can show me the cloud cover over North America and a rotating globe can inform me instantly of the weather in Perth, Paris or Pittsburg. I know where the jet steam is flowing and can get constant hurricane and typhoon updates in a split second. I can go to the Internet and find the temperature, humidity, time of sunrise and sunset, barometric pressure and wind speed in any city in the world from my home. I don’t need to know all of that. I just want to know if it is going to be nice tomorrow or if it is going to rain.
If I watch a baseball game on TV or on my computer, the nonstop chatter of the color commentators brutally assaults me. All I want to know is the batter’s batting average and perhaps how many home runs he has hit this year. Instead, I will be informed that Billy Ballbanger is batting .256 if he is playing a day game on natural turf and using a maple bat, but his average is .286 if the pitcher is left handed, can throw a 86mph slider and likes to eat lasagna before the game. Sports statistics have become so picayune that they bury the listener in so much minutia that he often does not even know the score of the game. Enough already!
News from the entertainment world is equally meaningless and irrelevant. I don’t care if Jennifer Aniston has been dating Ryan Seaweed or if Tom Cruise’s latest movie grossed three billion dollars more in the first week than Mission Impossible or not. I don’t care if Madonna is going to call her next child Mustard or Fuzzy. The totally insignificant information that leaks, spills or is dumped out of Hollywood is about as important as the name of George W’s barber. Abolish Hollywood gossip and speculation!
The Golden Garbage Can Award for total overkill in the Information Supersaturation Services goes to every political program and commentator. The recent US election coverage divulged more useless information, such as the voting habits of illegal aliens from Mexico, than anyone could possible fathom. Most television political commentators create an impression that their comments are based on a rich academic background relative to the topic under discussion. In fact, many of them are simply television creations whose job is to sell controversy and increase the number of viewers by becoming despicable ‘homers’ or opinionated snobs.
I basically need to know if tomorrow will be nice weather, if my Cleveland Indians won, and if there is a major ‘new’ world or local event of which I should be aware. I need this information once a day and it shouldn’t take more than a minute of my time. My supersaturated mind, although it has been regularly blown apart, just can’t take it any more!
How about you?
I feel so buried under the constant barrage of detailed information that I am prepared to enter a monastery just to escape. I can’t handle it anymore. I am more than full of information; I am supersaturated! There is no room for even one more tabloid headline or one special news report or one more eBay bargain.
A television weather report can be overwhelming. A satellite photo can show me the cloud cover over North America and a rotating globe can inform me instantly of the weather in Perth, Paris or Pittsburg. I know where the jet steam is flowing and can get constant hurricane and typhoon updates in a split second. I can go to the Internet and find the temperature, humidity, time of sunrise and sunset, barometric pressure and wind speed in any city in the world from my home. I don’t need to know all of that. I just want to know if it is going to be nice tomorrow or if it is going to rain.
If I watch a baseball game on TV or on my computer, the nonstop chatter of the color commentators brutally assaults me. All I want to know is the batter’s batting average and perhaps how many home runs he has hit this year. Instead, I will be informed that Billy Ballbanger is batting .256 if he is playing a day game on natural turf and using a maple bat, but his average is .286 if the pitcher is left handed, can throw a 86mph slider and likes to eat lasagna before the game. Sports statistics have become so picayune that they bury the listener in so much minutia that he often does not even know the score of the game. Enough already!
News from the entertainment world is equally meaningless and irrelevant. I don’t care if Jennifer Aniston has been dating Ryan Seaweed or if Tom Cruise’s latest movie grossed three billion dollars more in the first week than Mission Impossible or not. I don’t care if Madonna is going to call her next child Mustard or Fuzzy. The totally insignificant information that leaks, spills or is dumped out of Hollywood is about as important as the name of George W’s barber. Abolish Hollywood gossip and speculation!
The Golden Garbage Can Award for total overkill in the Information Supersaturation Services goes to every political program and commentator. The recent US election coverage divulged more useless information, such as the voting habits of illegal aliens from Mexico, than anyone could possible fathom. Most television political commentators create an impression that their comments are based on a rich academic background relative to the topic under discussion. In fact, many of them are simply television creations whose job is to sell controversy and increase the number of viewers by becoming despicable ‘homers’ or opinionated snobs.
I basically need to know if tomorrow will be nice weather, if my Cleveland Indians won, and if there is a major ‘new’ world or local event of which I should be aware. I need this information once a day and it shouldn’t take more than a minute of my time. My supersaturated mind, although it has been regularly blown apart, just can’t take it any more!
How about you?
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
So You Think You’ve Got Problems!
So you think that you have problems! You’ve lost your job, the bank is foreclosing on your mortgage, your teenage daughter is pregnant with twins and your wife has hemorrhoids. Your car needs a new transmission, you are suffering from an ulcer and each of your four cats is expecting a litter any day.
Well let me tell you, you should be counting your blessings, compared to the problem of Ms. Rider of Jerome Avenue, Nassau. Ms. Rider has been complaining, according to the local newspaper, for more than two years about her Haitian neighbors who hang their laundry out to dry in clear view of the main road! Now that’s classified as a real problem!
Ms. Rider explains that she has spoken to the neighbors and they just rudely turn her away. “Their clothes lines are filled with every thing in the world,” according to Ms. Rider. “Every day the line is full of clothes, even large washable diapers and old lady’s bloomers are hung out for everyone to see from the main road. They are ruining the neighborhood and pushing property values down. There was a good looking gentleman looking to rent an apartment on Jerome Avenue and when he looked around and saw all the clothes flashing on the line, he said he must be in the wrong place and drove off.”
Ms. Rider said that she is so annoyed that she has complained to both Environmental Health and the Ministry of Works and nothing has been done. “Environmental Health persons came around about nine months ago and promised to do something but never returned,” Ms. Rider said.
I present Ms. Rider’s plight so that you have a benchmark against which to measure your own miserable problems. Her problems involve plunging property values, environmental impact, complex health issues, broken promises and the loss of a potential hot male suitor for Ms. Rider.
I maintain the severity of all problems is relative. Compare your plunging stock portfolio, threatened pension fund and the threat of a major economic depression against Ms. Rider’s clothesline conundrum and you will start to feel a lot better really quickly!
Well let me tell you, you should be counting your blessings, compared to the problem of Ms. Rider of Jerome Avenue, Nassau. Ms. Rider has been complaining, according to the local newspaper, for more than two years about her Haitian neighbors who hang their laundry out to dry in clear view of the main road! Now that’s classified as a real problem!
Ms. Rider explains that she has spoken to the neighbors and they just rudely turn her away. “Their clothes lines are filled with every thing in the world,” according to Ms. Rider. “Every day the line is full of clothes, even large washable diapers and old lady’s bloomers are hung out for everyone to see from the main road. They are ruining the neighborhood and pushing property values down. There was a good looking gentleman looking to rent an apartment on Jerome Avenue and when he looked around and saw all the clothes flashing on the line, he said he must be in the wrong place and drove off.”
Ms. Rider said that she is so annoyed that she has complained to both Environmental Health and the Ministry of Works and nothing has been done. “Environmental Health persons came around about nine months ago and promised to do something but never returned,” Ms. Rider said.
I present Ms. Rider’s plight so that you have a benchmark against which to measure your own miserable problems. Her problems involve plunging property values, environmental impact, complex health issues, broken promises and the loss of a potential hot male suitor for Ms. Rider.
I maintain the severity of all problems is relative. Compare your plunging stock portfolio, threatened pension fund and the threat of a major economic depression against Ms. Rider’s clothesline conundrum and you will start to feel a lot better really quickly!
Friday, February 6, 2009
What Color is a Mistake?
An Australian report recently indicated that teachers using red pen to mark students' work could be harming their psyche, as the color red is too aggressive. It is part of a government initiative that is attempting to address the problem of adolescent depression and suicide. Apparently, 14% of Australian children are suffering from some sort of mental illness.
I laud any attempt to deal with the serious problems of depression and youthful anxiety, but I am a little chagrined that teachers are actually being urged not to use a red pen to highlight or indicate student errors.
The argument that ‘red’ is too aggressive a color is nonsense in my opinion. Teachers have been using red pens for a century to mark student papers because it stands out from the blue and black pens that are usually used in written schoolwork. Many red pen marks indicate many mistakes. This is a simple reality. The red pen has become the scapegoat, rather than addressing the real issue –namely, poor spelling, bad grammar, or marginal student effort. Good students who do not experience many red marks on their work are also susceptible to mental illness and stress. Many students who experience problems with learning may get a lot of red marks and not develop depressions or anxiety. The color is not the problem; school success or failure is the underlying issue. If teachers had used yellow pens for a century to indicate errors, I would assume that yellow would be banned because it was too aggressive a color!
These kinds of recommendations do education more harm than good. People who are not educators will ridicule the notion of outlawing the red pen and not be amenable to other more relevant educational reforms or initiatives. They will remember the bizarre notions and not pay favorable attention to more valid practices such as positive reinforcement, educational counseling and student therapy. The red pen issue is really a red herring issue!
Perhaps there is a market for a rainbow pen that will leave a multicolored rainbow mark. Who could be offended by a rainbow?
I laud any attempt to deal with the serious problems of depression and youthful anxiety, but I am a little chagrined that teachers are actually being urged not to use a red pen to highlight or indicate student errors.
The argument that ‘red’ is too aggressive a color is nonsense in my opinion. Teachers have been using red pens for a century to mark student papers because it stands out from the blue and black pens that are usually used in written schoolwork. Many red pen marks indicate many mistakes. This is a simple reality. The red pen has become the scapegoat, rather than addressing the real issue –namely, poor spelling, bad grammar, or marginal student effort. Good students who do not experience many red marks on their work are also susceptible to mental illness and stress. Many students who experience problems with learning may get a lot of red marks and not develop depressions or anxiety. The color is not the problem; school success or failure is the underlying issue. If teachers had used yellow pens for a century to indicate errors, I would assume that yellow would be banned because it was too aggressive a color!
These kinds of recommendations do education more harm than good. People who are not educators will ridicule the notion of outlawing the red pen and not be amenable to other more relevant educational reforms or initiatives. They will remember the bizarre notions and not pay favorable attention to more valid practices such as positive reinforcement, educational counseling and student therapy. The red pen issue is really a red herring issue!
Perhaps there is a market for a rainbow pen that will leave a multicolored rainbow mark. Who could be offended by a rainbow?
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Bulges Are The Mother of Invention!
A principal rule for any author is to stick to a topic that they know something about. Today, I am going to break that rule and discuss the importance of bodily bulges.
I have just read an interesting article about the invention of the Bra Smart. The Bra Smart consists of a plastic base containing two molded conical shapes attached to a hanger. It is designed to allow brassieres to dry while maintaining their shape. I didn’t realize that drying a washed bra was such a serious problem.
Most women, I am informed, dry their bras either by laying them flat or hanging them on a clothes line so that one cup hangs on either side of the line. Apparently, this doesn’t work too well as the bra loses its shape, wrinkles and the wrinkles then show under their sweater or shirt. The inventor of the Bra Smart not only solved the problem, but sells about 100 a day, for $14.95 each, on the Internet. Now that’s performance!
The success of this novel feminine bulge enhancer ignited my curiosity. If a female’s curves could be made more attractive was there a male equivalent that needed to be invented? The answer is, of course!
Most men do not pay any particular attention to how they wash their under shorts. They simply toss then into the washing machine along with their socks, shirts, blue jeans, garage rags and bedding. They do not give them any special treatment. The time to pay more attention to washing men’s shorts is at hand. And my patent is pending.
The Mister Man, as I have christened it, is a hollow plastic mold that can be filled with starch and inserted into the crotch of any man’s shorts. As the under shorts are washed small amounts of starch spread into the fabric surrounding the crotch and the material stiffens when it becomes dry. The resulting added bulge provides an equal opportunity bulge enhancement to the male, just as the Bra Smart does to the female.
I am thinking that perhaps I will also sell it on the Internet and charge the same price as the Bra Smart. In fact, I might consider a partnership with the other inventor and sell a Mister Man and a Bra Smart as a package set, in time for Valentine’s Day!
Your advance orders can be sent to misterman@hotmail.com. To avoid any embarrassment, all purchases will be shipped in a plain brown wrapper, without any bulges!
I have just read an interesting article about the invention of the Bra Smart. The Bra Smart consists of a plastic base containing two molded conical shapes attached to a hanger. It is designed to allow brassieres to dry while maintaining their shape. I didn’t realize that drying a washed bra was such a serious problem.
Most women, I am informed, dry their bras either by laying them flat or hanging them on a clothes line so that one cup hangs on either side of the line. Apparently, this doesn’t work too well as the bra loses its shape, wrinkles and the wrinkles then show under their sweater or shirt. The inventor of the Bra Smart not only solved the problem, but sells about 100 a day, for $14.95 each, on the Internet. Now that’s performance!
The success of this novel feminine bulge enhancer ignited my curiosity. If a female’s curves could be made more attractive was there a male equivalent that needed to be invented? The answer is, of course!
Most men do not pay any particular attention to how they wash their under shorts. They simply toss then into the washing machine along with their socks, shirts, blue jeans, garage rags and bedding. They do not give them any special treatment. The time to pay more attention to washing men’s shorts is at hand. And my patent is pending.
The Mister Man, as I have christened it, is a hollow plastic mold that can be filled with starch and inserted into the crotch of any man’s shorts. As the under shorts are washed small amounts of starch spread into the fabric surrounding the crotch and the material stiffens when it becomes dry. The resulting added bulge provides an equal opportunity bulge enhancement to the male, just as the Bra Smart does to the female.
I am thinking that perhaps I will also sell it on the Internet and charge the same price as the Bra Smart. In fact, I might consider a partnership with the other inventor and sell a Mister Man and a Bra Smart as a package set, in time for Valentine’s Day!
Your advance orders can be sent to misterman@hotmail.com. To avoid any embarrassment, all purchases will be shipped in a plain brown wrapper, without any bulges!
Monday, February 2, 2009
More Modern Day Pirate Stories
The pirates off the coast of Somalia are not the only pirates operating in our world. In fact, there are illegal activities that occur in our country that we probably all participate in.
One of the most familiar examples of pirating occurs in the world of music and movie DVDs. We have probably all purchased a copy of one of our favorite recording artists or new movies that we know have been illegally copied and sold. People simply do not see paying five dollars to a street vendor as breaking the law or a violation of copyright. The truth is, copyright infringement in Canada is subject to a one million dollar fine or five years in jail or both. Lawbreakers are seldom charged and as a result purchasing pirated DVDs is considered a “minor” and unimportant offense.
In the Bahamas, the local video store sells two kinds of pirated videos. If it is a preview copy of a studio produced film it sells for six dollars: if it is a copy made with a hand held video recorder, often disturbed by shadows of people walking in front of the camera, it is discounted to five dollars. On one of my recent trips to pick up a video (for a friend) the customer ahead of me was a uniformed police officer buying his weekend movie selections. So much for law enforcement!
Another big pirate industry today involves ladies designer handbags. Some very expert copies of purses by Gucci, Matt and Nat, Coach, Bentleys, or Dooney and Bourke are found in abundance in the local straw markets. They all look quite authentic, are very inexpensive and may last one season before the color fades and the handle pulls off. But you get what you pay for and pirated purse designs are big business.
I learned of the most unusual pirate activity when I lived in Turkey. In Turkey there are twenty TFZs – Trade Free Zones, in which foreign investors help set up a local factory, using local raw materials and local workers. The company gets many tax breaks as they provide the local economy with jobs, and a large cash infusion.
I am aware of an American company that was making Hilfiger brand clothing in the Turkish city of Ismir. Every item brandished the famous logo and possessed a label that read “Made in the USA”. I find it hard to understand how a clothing line make with Turkish cotton, by Turkish workers, in a Turkish factory and then exported to America can carry a “Made in America” label. If this is not a blatant example of dishonesty and a kind of piracy I don’t know what is.
When Billy Bumpkin, a conservative banker in Idaho, buys his next Hilfiger dress shirt carrying the Made in USA label, he might think he is Buying American, but he is not. And this dishonesty is not only completely legal but it is a very profitable business practice.
It helps me justify buying my latest pirated movies for five dollars!
One of the most familiar examples of pirating occurs in the world of music and movie DVDs. We have probably all purchased a copy of one of our favorite recording artists or new movies that we know have been illegally copied and sold. People simply do not see paying five dollars to a street vendor as breaking the law or a violation of copyright. The truth is, copyright infringement in Canada is subject to a one million dollar fine or five years in jail or both. Lawbreakers are seldom charged and as a result purchasing pirated DVDs is considered a “minor” and unimportant offense.
In the Bahamas, the local video store sells two kinds of pirated videos. If it is a preview copy of a studio produced film it sells for six dollars: if it is a copy made with a hand held video recorder, often disturbed by shadows of people walking in front of the camera, it is discounted to five dollars. On one of my recent trips to pick up a video (for a friend) the customer ahead of me was a uniformed police officer buying his weekend movie selections. So much for law enforcement!
Another big pirate industry today involves ladies designer handbags. Some very expert copies of purses by Gucci, Matt and Nat, Coach, Bentleys, or Dooney and Bourke are found in abundance in the local straw markets. They all look quite authentic, are very inexpensive and may last one season before the color fades and the handle pulls off. But you get what you pay for and pirated purse designs are big business.
I learned of the most unusual pirate activity when I lived in Turkey. In Turkey there are twenty TFZs – Trade Free Zones, in which foreign investors help set up a local factory, using local raw materials and local workers. The company gets many tax breaks as they provide the local economy with jobs, and a large cash infusion.
I am aware of an American company that was making Hilfiger brand clothing in the Turkish city of Ismir. Every item brandished the famous logo and possessed a label that read “Made in the USA”. I find it hard to understand how a clothing line make with Turkish cotton, by Turkish workers, in a Turkish factory and then exported to America can carry a “Made in America” label. If this is not a blatant example of dishonesty and a kind of piracy I don’t know what is.
When Billy Bumpkin, a conservative banker in Idaho, buys his next Hilfiger dress shirt carrying the Made in USA label, he might think he is Buying American, but he is not. And this dishonesty is not only completely legal but it is a very profitable business practice.
It helps me justify buying my latest pirated movies for five dollars!
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