George W Bush, Super Sports Agent

Retirement poses a problem for many. People invariably are often uncertain as to what they are going to do with their lives when they quit working. President George W Bush is no exception. What can an ex-president do after retirement? Recently, however, President Bush’s problem was solved.

Bush’s last visit to Iraq provided an experience, which opened his eyes in more ways than one. His news conference in Baghdad was interrupted by an Iraqi journalist who shouted in Arabic — “This is a gift from the Iraqis; this is the farewell kiss, you dog” — and threw one of his shoes at the president, who ducked and narrowly avoided being struck. As chaos ensued, the perpetrator threw his other shoe, shouting, “This is from the widows, the orphans and those who were killed in Iraq.” The second shoe also narrowly missed Mr. Bush as Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki stuck out a hand in front of the president’s face to help shield him. Both thrown shoes zoomed harmlessly past President Bush.

Immediately after the attack, Bush signed the shoe-hurling journalist to a personal services contract. President Bush, who previously owned the Texas Rangers Baseball Club, excitedly exclaimed that the man had an incredible arm. “The first pitch was like a rising fast ball with a lot of movement and the second showed knuckleball action,” Bush stated after the attack. “This guy demonstrated phenomenal potential as a major league relief pitcher. He needs to work on his control, but his poise and his smooth overhand delivery reminded me of Hall of Famer, Nolan Ryan.”

President Bush recognized his post-presidential career as a sports agent immediately after the second shoe whizzed near his right ear. “It came to me in a flash, that representing athletes would utilize the negotiating skills that I developed as president. If Sabathia is worth $161 million to the Yankees, I can hardly wait to determine the value of my new phenom in the next couple of months. I am sure I will be as successful a sports agent as I have been a well respected and effective president.”

President Bush reluctantly rejected Iraqi Prime Minister al-Maliki’s request to represent him as well. Bush indicated that he was not impressed with al-Maliki as he waved his hand futilely at the flying shoes. “He doesn’t have very soft hands and his reactions are not up to major league standards,” responded an ecstatic Bush as he initiated his new retirement profession!

Within minutes of Bush’s declaration that he was transitioning into the sports agency business, both Nike and Adidas inquired about a possible sponsorship agreement with Bush’s first client. Who would have guessed – George W Bush, super sports agent?