Today, Michelle Obama has stepped way out of line! Until today I very much admired her for her intelligence, her common sense, and her role modeling as a mother and homemaker. Her decision to plant a vegetable garden in the back yard of the White House has changed my mind.
She has gone far beyond the mandate of the First Lady. Her decision to plant a vegetable garden to teach her children and others the benefits of growing and eating fresh produce will have immense ramifications. I know she thinks it is a good idea, but she has no idea of the repercussions.
Now every wife and mother in North America will want (her husband) to make and plant a garden. Since most yards are covered in lawn, the first step will be to dig up huge sections of grass, dispose of the waste and haul in fresh loam and topsoil. And you can bet your subscription of Horticulture Humor, that the husband will be commandeered to do the manual labor.
Once the man of the house has planned out and dug the garden, the wife and children will take over. With photojournalists from around the world recording the historic event, Michelle and the girls in their latest Old Navy garden wear will be shown carefully dropping little peas into freshly watered troughs. They will be smiling and excitedly awaiting the first crop.
After the first few seeds have been buried, that is the last that you will see of the kids and the wife for a while. The daily watering, the weed picking, the plant thinning and the application of pesticides and fertilizer will be left to the man of the house. I hope Barack has the time! Maybe he can skip the next round of Middle East peace talks cuz he’ll be needed in the pea patch!
At the first sign of the harvest, the photojournalists will be back. And for the first time in months, so will the kids and the wife. The baskets of fresh peas and green lettuce will complement the lovely red dresses the children are wearing for the photo shoot. The White House vegetable garden venture will be a smashing success!
Every man in American, including Barack, will be singing the praises of the fresh produce readily available in the local supermarkets, but to no avail. Nothing tastes as good as vegetables fresh from the family garden. The blood, sweat, toil, and tears of the thousands of husbands who were forced to become happy little suburban gardeners will not be mentioned.
So, Michelle dear, next time you get a good idea like remodeling a White House bathroom as a do-it-yourself project, please consult with me first. Neither Barack nor I have the time or inclination to rip out tile, remove cabinetry or repaint a bathroom. The baseball season starts soon and my free time will be at a premium. Especially if I have to weed the garden too!
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