George W Bushes First 100 Days of Retirement

Recently President Obama marked his first 100 days in office as President of the US. Naturally, former President Bush also completed his first 100 days of retirement during the same period. While Obama’s first days received considerable press, Bushes did not. I feel compelled to file that report.

During his first 100 days of retirement, Former President Bush:

• Finally finished reading 'The Pet Goat', which he had started reading to an elementary class in Florida the morning of the 9/11 attacks. Bush explained, “Once I get my hands on a good book I can’t put it down.” He noted that he had to start the book from the beginning again as he had lost track of the plot over the past seven years.

• Watches the Oliver Stone movie “W” every week, as he loves the character portrayed by Josh Brolin. “That character ‘W’, I think was modeled after my brother Jeb,” former President Bush explains.

• Goes quail hunting on his Crawford, Texas ranch at every opportunity when Dick Chaney is out of the country. “Don’t get me wrong. I like Dick, but I prefer to shoot pool with him, not birds!”

• Spends a couple of hours each day preparing to write his memoirs. He has collected a wide variety of colored inks and fountain pens, along with some lined and monogrammed stationery. He has already finished coloring a lovely cover page for the introduction, which he has cleverly named, “Introduction.”

• Is planning to visit some of the foreign countries that he did not get a chance to visit during his presidency. Laura describes him as positively giddy when he talks about traveling to Wasilla, Alsaska and O-Wah-Hoo, HiWi. “There’s nuthin’ like travlin’ abroad to expand your minds and pick up some neat souvenirs,” George claims!

• Has offered to participate in the reality TV show “Dancing with the Stars” next season. “I bin dancin’ the Washington Two Step, the Iraq Hoedown and the WMD Waltz as well as singin’ out of both sides of my mouth for so long now, I think I would be a natural!” an enthusiastic Bush announced to Tom Bergeron.

• Began his Post-Presidential Speaking Tour by speaking to a group of homeless people in Canada. They had agreed to listen politely to Bush for a half hour, in exchange for a bowl of chowder and a sandwich. As the half hour time limit approached, the crowd rose to its feet in anticipation of a hot meal and a chance to escape to the quiet and sanity of their alleys and dumpsters. Bush retorted, “I have not spoken to such an enthusiastic and appreciative audience in years!”

I find it rather heartwarming to know that former President Bush is adjusting well to retirement and is able to keep constructively busy. Perhaps I will invite him to the Bahamas for a bowl of soup so we can commiserate about the joys of no longer having to struggle with the burdens of employment!